That part of me I wish never came into being

So... here's my big confession... I fucked up in our relationship in more way than anyone else could know. I started off treating you like a princess, the princess you were meant to be treated like. I gave everything to you then, and I still would even now. Later after we first moved in together things started getting bad between. Shit happened and I lost a part of me, or maybe it was I found a part of me that I wish didn't exist. I really don't know which one it was. After something that happened between us that part of me came out and I snapped I slapped you so hard across the face it let a solid black bruise on your temple that was undeniable as to how it happened. I stayed like that for a while there. I had all this built up anger from everything that I wasn't myself anymore but someone else, or was it really me? I don't know... what it was but I was abusive at this point something I have always vowed to myself that I would never be or become, it hurts me just knowing I did that. We then spent some time fighting arguing, nothing getting better between us. The things at the house that pissed me off prior to me first hitting you continued to get worse and worse. Our relationship went further and further downhill. Eventually we moved again, to a new place. There I started neglecting you, stopped giving you the attention I should have been giving you. I wasn't there for you anymore, no... not when I should have been. Now I know it's already too late but yet I don't want to give up on fixing what is already broken and lost. Why would I though.... those first 4 months... yeah... those 4 months... those were amazing to me, oh what I would give to get those back. I wish I could just relive those days over and over. I was always happy, you always had a smile on your face. Damn... I really miss that smile. So... what if I had a chance... you know.... to get that smile back on your face. That real smile, the one when I looked in your eyes I could see them gleam like the night sky. What would take for me to get that back? What would I have to do to make you smile that like again? I've already dropped that part of me from the past, It won't ever come out again. I won't ever neglect you like I did back when, no.... no matter how depressed or angry I get... I will never... neglect you that way again. I want to see the flames light back up in your heart. I want to be the person that sparks the fire. I want to be there to have children with you, watch them grow old with you, teach them what is right and wrong in life. I want to help them be successful in life and be better than me.