im sorry

im the biggest procrastinator alive. i dont do anything and my mom and moms friend have invested so much time and money in me and all i end up is letting them down. i am so confused. i dont want to be in something that i cant handle but if i give up then im just letting my family down and everyone who believes in me. i guess it comes down to friends or my passion. i cant blame anything on anyone but myselfs.i hate myself for how my mom and her friend feels. i am just sorry. i just dont know where to start. they're giving me until april 7 to get my stuff together i just need direction. just know that i didnt want to dig a hole this deep. i know that i have potential it is just when i perform i choke.. i dont want to let them down. i want to make them proud but i cant if i keep doing the wrong thing. i want to be with god i want to forever i just want him to give me another chance and lead me in the right direction. I know that ive been maipulated so many times and that i should know my stuff and do what my moms friend and mom say its just that i need god to guide me i need him to help me prove to mom and moms friend that i can do this and that i have what it takes to be a star. i just want to have that happen so that maybe i can convince myself that i really do HAVE what it takes. i just want tyo be confident and not let people down escpecially the ones that i love the most.