hatred

I know that i am not suppose to feel this way about my husband but i do cause he is so self center and negative never gives compliments never allways puts people down always. never saids nothing nice about anyone. has no remorse for anyone feelings. doesn't care if he hurts someone or not. just laugh about it cause it is the truth. so when he so call apolizes it doesn't mean anything cause it is just words and it doesn't mean nothing cause he will turn right around and do it again so the words that use to mean something to me don't any more they are just words. and that is it. nothing means nothing to me anymore. cause he is sorry for nothing that he does or say, never is he sorry and he doesn't care that i stay in pain all the time he stays mad at me for it he has no simpity for me at all. cause i don't have sex with him that is all it comes down to he doesn't want anybody around cause he wants sex and that is it if i would have put my kid aside for him he would have been happier and now he crips cause i have my grandkids I cannot stand him, to me he is a jerk, has no heart or feelings cares about nobody but hisself and the thing between between his legs. and whether he gets satisfy or not and as for as havng me do it with him and somebody else is a no but he won't leave it along he is obessed with it and that is all he thinks about. God i can't stand it and i am sorry for marring him i know he is a good person in his on way but these thing are really getting to me big time and i hate it and him. I don't see anyway your will can be done in this marriage or life of mine and i guess i never will have the chance will i cause i guess i am a curse to you anyway with or with out him cause i don't know the right way anyway.
so, there is not help or forgiveness for me either is there because of my sins.
i have no hope at all do i.